Sammy ([info]littlesammy) wrote in [info]fanficrants,
2010-10-17 22:27:00
  • Mood: confused
... as they strained together in a rocking, thrusting, clenching, flexing, groaning, moaning, grunting, panting, clutching, licking, sucking, nibbling, grinding, sliding symphony of sensation, each playing the other as an instrument of pleasure.

No, dear, the thesaurus you had for breakfast was wrong. This is not/was not/will never be sexy.


He grunted at the intense pressure exerted by her climaxing snatch

Uhm, what? I mean, I know what's meant by that, but... uhm, what?


Edit:

I seriously have no idea why I keep reading. It's like watching a train wreck. You want to look away, really...


and no force at his disposal could stop the flood of semen that roared it way up his length

Roared? ROARED? O_o


Edit the second:

She gasped out a surprised cry as his dick head pressed through the tight ring of her cervix

Oww. OWWW!

You, dear author, are either male or have never gotten a medical exam "down there". Otherwise you'd know that even a q-tip poking around there HURTS LIKE HELL.

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  • 73 comments

[info]randomcheeses

October 17 2010, 20:28:53 UTC 1 year ago

Ooh, adjective overload.

[info]falconwhitaker

October 17 2010, 20:31:51 UTC 1 year ago

The first sentence could have worked and still been sexy if they had stuck to maybe three verbs. As it is, you get bored half way through :(

And... her vagina is a vice? Whut?

[info]rosehiptea

October 17 2010, 20:54:49 UTC 1 year ago

Agreed on the first sentence.

And I know words for genitals are very much a YMMV thing, but I can't handle the word "snatch." Maybe in a fic that contains a lot of slang to match it it's OK, but by itself it just doesn't work for me.

Not that I have so many wonderful suggestions to replace it, to be fair.

[info]littlesammy

1 year ago

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[info]rosehiptea

1 year ago

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[info]szaleniec1000

1 year ago

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[info]pathology_doc

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[info]full_metal_ox

1 year ago

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[info]pathology_doc

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[info]chocolate_chip

1 year ago

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[info]full_metal_ox

1 year ago

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[info]rose_cat

1 year ago

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[info]falconwhitaker

1 year ago

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[info]rose_cat

1 year ago

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[info]josiefier

October 17 2010, 20:36:35 UTC 1 year ago

And to think I was once told I used too many adjectives in one of my fics forever ago. Even at my worst I never had sentences like that.

And agreed on roared - WTF?

[info]chemicalpanic

October 17 2010, 20:37:37 UTC 1 year ago

I'm imagining semen Vikings with torches and pitchforks.

[info]synnerxx

October 17 2010, 20:54:25 UTC 1 year ago

This!

[info]patrickat

1 year ago

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[info]littlesammy

1 year ago

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[info]full_metal_ox

1 year ago

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[info]littlesammy

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[info]laura_anne

1 year ago

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[info]rose_cat

1 year ago

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[info]littlesammy

1 year ago

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[info]kaisenji

October 17 2010, 20:41:16 UTC 1 year ago

*Dying and is ded rn*

Roaring? Climaxing snatches?? Lengths that need roaring up?? Reads like a dime store porn novel of DOOM.

[info]synnerxx

October 17 2010, 20:54:16 UTC 1 year ago

Holy adjective overload Batman.

[info]dess_paire

October 17 2010, 21:19:24 UTC 1 year ago

This. <3

[info]skiesovergideon

October 17 2010, 20:55:10 UTC 1 year ago

and no force at his disposal could stop the flood of semen that roared it way up his length

Was a +10 Rod of Orgasm in use?

[info]littlesammy

October 17 2010, 21:05:24 UTC 1 year ago

The gamer in me just laughed, long and hard, so thank you for that. :D

And - no idea. Maybe we could ask the Vikings?

[info]shinga

October 17 2010, 21:08:06 UTC 1 year ago

and no force at his disposal could stop the flood of semen that roared it way up his length

I just pictured a penis saying "no power in the 'Verse can stop me" and I laughed but then stopped and thought "wait no, that's wrong".

[info]littlesammy

October 17 2010, 21:16:32 UTC 1 year ago

Fuck. Now I have images of a He-Man penis in my head. O_o

[info]wornoutbirks

1 year ago

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[info]juliet316

1 year ago

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[info]rose_cat

1 year ago

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[info]juliet316

1 year ago

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[info]dess_paire

October 17 2010, 21:22:55 UTC 1 year ago

The first sentence sounds like they just flipped to random pages of a thesaurus and picked words xD

[info]hanfastolfe

October 18 2010, 07:18:51 UTC 1 year ago

I thought that too. I also couldn't quit giggling. XD

[info]dess_paire

1 year ago

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[info]oudeteron

October 17 2010, 21:25:37 UTC 1 year ago

This post may well be the funniest thing I've seen all day! Probably not that writer's intention, but LOL.

[info]szaleniec1000

October 17 2010, 21:31:07 UTC 1 year ago

and no force at his disposal could stop the flood of semen that roared it way up his length

It's like the illegitimate offspring of this and this. (Warning: TVTropes links!)

[info]littlesammy

October 17 2010, 21:36:07 UTC 1 year ago

OMG, thank you for these. "He pressed his hard sex against her soft sex and they had sex". seriously made my day. ^^

[info]szaleniec1000

1 year ago

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[info]littlesammy

1 year ago

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[info]szaleniec1000

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[info]furerin

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[info]littlesammy

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[info]littlesammy

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[info]full_metal_ox

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[info]szaleniec1000

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[info]rosehiptea

October 17 2010, 21:34:28 UTC 1 year ago

Otherwise you'd know that even a q-tip poking around there HURTS LIKE HELL.

I once had a uterine biopsy, in which a teeny tiny tube is put up through the cervix and and it really really hurt. Fortunately it only takes about a second, otherwise I would have needed anesthetic.

I think I will never understand dicks penetrating cervices in fic.

[info]fallentaiyoko

October 17 2010, 21:58:14 UTC 1 year ago

I think it's because of bad hentai manga. You see it all the damn time in those...penetrating cervices, so much sperm it fills up the girl's uterus...

Of course, the pain factor may be a YMMV thing, as Pap smears don't bother me one bit, but I hear plenty of people say they hurt.

[info]threeonetwo

1 year ago

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[info]littlesammy

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[info]blackmare

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[info]full_metal_ox

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[info]littlesammy

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[info]acediance

1 year ago

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[info]cat63

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[info]laura_anne

October 17 2010, 21:45:40 UTC 1 year ago

The first one reads like NaNoWriMo desperation. The last one actually made me whimper out loud. D:

[info]ladyofthesea

October 17 2010, 22:25:12 UTC 1 year ago

That first sentence? It's the descriptive train that never stopped. The rest? They do not inspire sexy times. Only crossing leg times.

[info]floatxxaway

October 18 2010, 00:13:23 UTC 1 year ago

She gasped out a surprised cry as his dick head pressed through the tight ring of her cervix

I feel like crying.

[info]littlesammy

October 18 2010, 07:44:48 UTC 1 year ago

Yeah. I mean, I'd be surprised, too. *snerk*

And for some reason, my icon wants to utter "To boldly go where no man has gone before...!" XD

[info]karisitas

October 18 2010, 08:07:04 UTC 1 year ago

The first sentence reminds me of The L Word theme song.

[info]lucymonster

October 18 2010, 08:38:09 UTC 1 year ago

D: D: D:

[info]noelleleithe

October 18 2010, 14:25:09 UTC 1 year ago

The last one is indeed bad, but, um. Maybe not it if it had been "against" or something like that. Some women do enjoy cervical stimulation in the right situation. Medical exams are not the right situation, so that's really not a good comparision. :)

[info]littlesammy

October 18 2010, 20:24:05 UTC 1 year ago

"Against" is fine. There's nothing wrong with "against". Been there, done that. But anything that breaches? *whimpers & crosses legs*

[info]razorzknight

October 18 2010, 15:15:07 UTC 1 year ago

That first part somehow reminds me of Daft Punk's songs.

And now I'm imagining "Stella" and one of the others from Interstella 5555 acting that line out... To the beat of Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger.

*Goes searching for a pool of brain bleach.*

[info]thisfishflies

October 18 2010, 19:29:05 UTC 1 year ago

I swear I saw "clucking" in that first sentence but don't want to go back to look. Just... whut? No.

[info]freed_wings

October 18 2010, 20:50:44 UTC 1 year ago

The word snatch as a euphemism for vagina always makes me snort.

[info]littlesammy

October 18 2010, 20:54:40 UTC 1 year ago

For some reason it just makes me think of "purse". Don't ask me why. O_o

[info]samuraiter

October 18 2010, 22:10:30 UTC 1 year ago

*watches cervix fly over shoulder*

Oh, my. I don't think it works that way.

[info]nekogirl_beth16

October 19 2010, 11:49:20 UTC 1 year ago

Hey, yo, would you mind sticking this under a NSFW cut? I'm at uni, and just saw this on my friend's list, and was rather hard to explain to the person who was watching over my shoulder as I worked...
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